time stretcher

I have seemed to run into days that are too short. My days need about 28 hours in them and my weeks need 9 days to do all the things that I need to get done. My house seems to be suffering from the lack of this missing time. This found time would allow me to get 2 more loads of laundry, 1 more hour of homework and stories for the kids and maybe a story for myself. I have searched the internet for such a contraption to accomodate my needs but alas have come to a dead end. I have several mechanically inclined family members and friends that might be able to help. Do you think that if I bribed them with fresh homemade bread and jam that they would rise to the occasion and answer my cry for help? Any volunteers are welcome. I promise the bread and jam are worth it! :-)

Has anybody seen.....?

Life has been a little crazy since school started. That might be putting it very mildly. I was asked at the end of the summer to be the Athletic Director at my kids' school. I agreed whole heartedly because I would love for there to be a good program going by the time Raven enters middle school. That is only 2 years away. I mistakenly thought that it would take only a little more time than it did to coach soccer this past spring and our family has to volunteer 40 hours a year anyway so...!
WRONG. We are 3 weeks into the school year and I am averaging 2 hours a day on this VOLUNTEER position! I could do more except that I still have a house to run.

This is what my shriveled brain should look like instead of the raisin it has become.
Between being: Mom, wife, chauffeur, vt district leader, Stake Y.W. sports director, house cleaner, laundry lady, chief chef (although the bread that Raven made yesterday tastes pretty good), dishwasher, homework warden, pipe fixer.... I am finding it hard to find time to sleep. Even though I really want to take a nap everyday with Jaxon and don't. It seems that I have misplaced my brain somewhere because everything that goes into one ear comes right out the other ear. My brain is no longer stopping things. Of course I am not sure that I would change anything even if I could! So if you see an extra brain or two lying around, would you please send them my way?

Stolen body parts!

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.

And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX.




This is happening to women everywhere every night.


WARN YOUR FRIENDS!


PS. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

I have also found that they take the hair that is falling out of your head and make it grow out of your chin.

PLEASE ALERT ALL THE MATURE WOMEN YOU KNOW AND MAKE THEIR DAY!!!!!!! LOL

'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.'