I am currently feeling a little upside down and backwards. We have had a major change in the last couple of days and I am feeling like I am grasping at air and been turned on my head. Steve on the other hand seems to be very calm. I, however, am having a hard time remembering who is in ultimate control of my life and this universe. I always run at full speed trying to take care of everything and everyone. I don't deal well with situations that are out of my control. I have a hard time letting others, including the Lord be in control, especially when it is my life involved.
On Thursday I was sitting on my bed folding laundry and watching a movie. Sidnee and Jaxon were home. I heard the garage door open which was really odd because I thought the kids were playing on the computer. My first thought was that Jaxon got mad at Sidnee so he was running away. (He runs away more often then I care to admit) I peeked out to see what was going on and Steve was home. Strange to say the least. I went out to see what was up and he pointed to his eyes because he was talking on his phone. He quickly got off and informed me that he had been laid off! I thought he was joking. He had been to the eye doctor and had his eyes dilated. I was thinking that they had sent him home because he couldn't see to read. When I saw all the stuff from his desk in some boxes in his car I was pretty sure that he was not joking now! My world came crumbling down on the top of my head! How were we going to pay for our home, let alone food, and all the necessities that you need to sustain life as you know it? So many things ran through my brain in a short matter of time. We really didn't get much time to talk as his phone kept ringing off the hook. Apparently the decision was made outside of Utah by someone who was just looking at numbers. His company made 7 layoffs that day across their offices in the country, so it was not like someone had it out for Steve. He got laid off, not fired, so they gave him a severance package that should last us through the end of June. What amazes me the most is how calm and sure Steve is about the whole thing. He is very positive where I am the one usually reassuring him. He is sure that there is a better job out there that he would not have found if he was still at E-Trade. I on the other hand am a bundle of stress. I am wondering what is going to happen if he doesn't find a job in this market before we run out of money. There are so many people losing jobs right now that I am really struggling with this. I know that I need to stop climbing the walls and just do what I can about the things that I can. I can clean my house. I can paint the walls. I can get ready to plant my garden. I can put more food in our food storage in case it takes longer than June to get a job. I can continue fulfilling my calling and being a part of my community. Hopefully I can figure out in the mean time, and I will emphasize the word MEAN, how to turn myself right side up!